1. Reality Spec

    Since the Bravo upfronts were yesterday and announced the new shows that’ll be coming our way soon, I considered what it’d be like if I were on a reality show and it’d probably be as interesting as - oh, I don’t know - watching a 23-year old do inane things. If anyone is in the market for that, though, I’d be a willing participant.

    7:45: Rise. Look at Twitter and Facebook while laying in bed.

    7:53: Brush my teeth for the full two minutes because of the whole dry mouth issue.

    7:55: Get back into bed, arrange my 6 pillows into a small throne, look at Facebook and Twitter on my computer. Be pissed nothing has changed in 10 minutes.

    8:15: Think about how dirty my room is. Too bad, I’m a hoarder.

    9:00: Roll into my office, which is 60 feet from my bedroom. Do some “work.”

    10:00: Text people to see if they want to get dinner later, when they say yes, say “Great, I’ll yelp some places!”

    10:30: Look at Yelp and hate every place. No neighborhood has any food everywhere, so I guess I’ll go hungry.

    11:05: Wish it was noon so I could crack open my first Diet Coke of the day. If you drink Diet Coke before noon, you may be a hooker. BUT I JUST WANT DIET COKE. 

    11:45: Finally pick a mexican place for dinner that we’ve been to a billion times, tell everyone it’s good.

    12:00: WOO DIET COKE WOO I CAN DRINK DIET COKE. I do. 

    12:10: Be done with Diet Coke and also be sad.

    12:30-4:00: Alternate entering in bills/answering the phone/filing stuff with perusing blogs. Every word counts.

    4:30: Wish it was 5:00 so I could go to the gym. I don’t want to go to the gym, but I’ll long for that freedom. 

    5:00: Get ready to go to the gym by putting on the same clothes as I’ve worn for a few days prior. Consider how disgusting that is and how bad they smell. Whatever, my washing machine is broken.

    5:05-6:00: Be at the gym. “Workout.”

    6:15: Come home, shower. Think about how great it is I don’t have to shower until the next day. 

    7:00: Rush out the door because I’m going to be late. Good thing I chose a restaurant 10 blocks from my house. Very crafty.

    8:30: Return home. Wrap my tresses around a curling iron approximately 1,000 times. 

    9:00: Get back into my bed/pillow throne. Look at tumblrs and laugh at teenage girls. Realize I’m just as sad as they are. Contemplate.

    9:30: Catch up on all the Draw Something games I haven’t played all day. I have been very busy.

    9:45: Check Facebook and Twitter again. Goodbye, sweet sites, until the morning.

    10:15: Go to bed because I am an 80-year-old woman.

    ANDY COHEN, IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN FILMING ALL THIS, YOU KNOW HOW TO CONTACT ME. THANK YOU, GOOD DAY.

    2 years ago